Valentine's Day Creativity
by the Dating Diva

This was an ad I just heard on the radio:

Nervous Male Voice: What am I going to do for my girlfriend for Valentine's Day?
Confident Male Spokesperson: You could get her flowers and chocolates. . .
Nervous Male Voice: Yes, yes I could!
Confident Male Spokesperson: . . . if you had no imagination whatsoever. What you should really get her is a mobile phone!

Now I want everyone who thinks a mobile phone is a good Valentine's day present for a woman to raise their hand. A message to the hand-raisers: first of all, this was clearly a trick question -- why on earth would you raise your hand when you know I would say you were wrong? Second: you're wrong. (Third: You're obviously male -- no self-respecting woman is going to opt for the electronics gift on Valentine's Day.)

Listen up. Valentine's Day is not about creativity. It is not about useful gifts. And most of all it is not complicated. There are only two acceptable gifts for a woman on Valentine's day: jewelry and lingerie. (Note: I did not mention flowers, chocolates, or dinner, since those are de rigeur. They are the baseline, the bare minimum. It is understood that these come with Valentine's Day dates no matter what. Giving them does not mean you do not have imagination -- after all, you have enough imagination to understand how cold it gets at night when she makes you sleep on the doorstep.)

It is right about here that most men start mumbling things about "needy women" and "fake Hallmark holiday."

Guilty as charged.

But that ain't going to get you out of it. Women will all admit that Valentine's day is overly-commercialized and they shouldn't judge an entire relationship based on one nights performance . . . and yet . . .when it comes right down to it, every year on that fateful February 14th a woman just likes to be wooed.

Think of it this way: It's not that she's going to dump you instantly if she doesn't get the night of her dreams, it's that she's going to drape herself all over you if she does. It's a simple cost-benefit analysis -- the potential rewards here are huge.

And, conveniently, the greatest rewards come from the easiest route -- not the coolest new electronic gadget. This is the easiest holiday of all. For those who haven't been paying attention, let's review:

1) flowers
2) dinner
3) (. . . and the only choice all night you have to make) jewelry or lingerie?

Three simple steps. I will hear no more complaining from men on this subject. You have it easy. As we all know, it's shopping for men that's hard. You guys want incomprehensible gadgets like . . . well, like, mobile phones.