And make it snappy. . .

The 23 year old just gave me a purchase order that she needed to have approved. Apparently it’s for something very important because she asked me to “expedia” the process.

The Interview

So yesterday was the all-day interview. Not really all day, just about 9:15 to 2: 30 and they gave us lunch, so that was nice. There were 5 people there including myself: four women who looked like contenders and a guy who, well, didn't.

It turns out it wasn't an interview about past experiences so much as it was a personality assessment. It was a three part process that started with individual interviews where we had to answer 28 multiple part questions such as:

Tell me about a time when you had to tell someone they were wrong. How did they take it? How would you change your actions if you could? Why?

Then we had our lunch of sandwiches together where the interviewees talked about such important subjects as the weather, commuting times, and beach traffic. That lasted about 30 minutes.

Then we had a multiple choice test that took about an hour. The test had questions like this:

You overhear a team member admit to another coworker in the break room that he made up some data for a report that you know is due tomorrow. He just didn't have time to do the proper research. Do you:
a) Tell your supervisor.
b)Tell his supervisor.
c) Tell him that if he fixes the report before it is submitted you won't tell anyone.
d)Do the research yourself.
e)Tell your supervisor and then do the rearch yourself.

Then I had 20 minutes to read a scenario about a "real-life" work situation. A "player" and observer then came into the office where I was to act out a role play. I had to convince a difficult employee to contribute to a group report.

So how I was graded on all this I'll never know. I do want the job, however, because . . . check this out:

1. Hours are 8 to 4:30
2. Commute is 3 miles/5 minutes
3. 21 days of vacation and 14 holidays (no, friends, I am not moving to Europe)
4. Health insurance (you all know how I feel about that).

   They say we'll know next week. Keep your fingers crossed.
   

   Posted by Demon at 10:10 AM | Comments (2)

Going Away Lunch

We're having a going away lunch for an employee next week. Let's call him "Employee Manuel." The 23 year-old secretary girl just emailed a flyer out to our entire agency with menu selections. Among them:

Chicken Cordon Blu w/ Hollandaise Sauce
Sweet Burbon Salmon Filet

I wonder if they'd let me have some Burbon with my plate of Blu.

I Got an Interview!

OK, before you all get too excited, check this out ... you guys remember the job I applied for that required me to write four long essays? Well, I made it to round three along with four other finalists. Next Wednesday we have an 8-hour interview. EIGHT HOURS! There will be three interviewers for individual interviews, a written test, role play, and a group interview. All this for a job calling for light editing and programming skills. Remember the 90s when they used to hire you off the street for VP positions? That was awesome.

But I am excited.

Crying Out Loud over Outlook

So a couple of weeks ago our entire staff of 40ish had an entire day of traning to learn how to use Outlook. Before I went down to our training room I, as did probably everyone else, stopped by my office to check my first-thing-in-the-morning email (using Outlook). I had some emails to return (using Outlook), a meeting to schedule (using Outlook), and some things to change aound on the reception desk staffing calendar (using Outlook).

Even though I'd rather go through a manual on my own, training could be good . . . I'm sure there are all kinds of forms and macros and stuff that would make life easier and a little more fun. Lo and behold it was a class for beginners. Beginners!

OK, so some people didn't know about tasking and meeting scheduling and seemed to maybe have learned some things. Good. Great. So WHY am I still getting emails like the one I got today:

Demon, Please see following correspondance with Annoying Coworker #1 and schedule a meeting with him, me and Annoying Coworker #2 sometime after June 15th. Can be in his office; probably about 1/2 hour. You can check the master and staff calendars for Annoying Coworker #2's and my availabiltiy or check with us directly. Thanks so much, Annoying Coworker #3

...gasp...

So I just get an all staff e-mail from the CEO with the rosters of three new employee work groups he's formed. I love that he's suddenly after two years on the job getting to know his employees a little better, especially since reliable rumors report the board will not be renewing his contract this fall. Talk about rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

Anyway, CEO's lack of knowledge about his own staff seems completely confirmed by the fact that Mr. Inappropriate was listed as a member of the work group on "Improving Staff Morale/Removing Organizational Obstacles." Ha! Do you think he was trying to improve my morale when he stopped by my office this week to fill me in on all the details of the very messy divorce he's going through at present? Or maybe he was removing organizational obstacles by asking to use the hand lotion I keep on my desk? Gross.

Still Lookin'

So I’m in the process of applying for another state job and what a process it is. I swear that application should say “If you can complete this form, you are automatically considered overqualified for the position.” I mean, I’ve applied for government jobs before, and I understand their whole problem of having to be completely thorough so that they don’t get sued for discrimination (a whole ‘nother issue), but come on.

It’s not like the job I’m applying for is all that complicated. They need a website and publications coordinator—basically a production manager with light programming and editing skills. The application itself was about eight pages in total and required an extremely detailed account of past work history. Then I had to write a fairly lengthy explanation as to how my experience applies to each skill required to perform the duties of the job.

I guess I should be proud of myself, because I made it past round one. But how can I be anything but thoroughly annoyed when I got a letter in the mail on Friday requesting more writing samples. They didn’t even call it that—it’s called a “written competency review” and consists of four essay questions about past work experience. It took me a good three hours to complete. I don’t know about you, but my time is worth something. I totally could have been sleeping or watching MTV.

See the extended entry for a sample of what I had to go through this weekend. Weekend!

1. Describe a time when you were faced with conflicting demands or competing priorities at work.
   What was the situation?
   How did you decide on the course of action?
   What was the outcome?
2. What is the most useful feedback you have ever received? How have you used this feedback to enhance your performance?
3. Please provide an example of a time when you needed to prepare a difficult written report or communication.
   What was the situation?
   What made the report/communication difficult to prepare?
   What did you do?
   How did the reader(s) respond?
4. Describe a time when you made a recommendation that significantly enhanced efficiency or quality.
   What was the situation?
   What was your recommendation?
   How did you present your ideas?
   What was the outcome?

Are you kidding me??

Slow Talkers

OK, here's my short mean thing of the day. . . What is up with the slow talkers? I don't mean speaking slowly in of itself. That's usually a boon -- and as everyone who has to replay my answering machine messages over and over and over and over again trying to understand that word I'm slurring knows, I could stand to speak a lot more slowly. But why do they have to insist on, like, actually finishing their sentences when you've already understood?

I mean they say things like: "Because this is in the blue category . . ." and you say: "Oh! It's blue so I have to push the BLUE button!" and they don't stop at all, but say ". . . you have to push the blue button. The reason you know it's in the blue category is because it's in a blue folder labeled with the word 'blue' written across it. So you can quickly and easily see that it's in the blue category, so that's how you can remember that you have to push the blue button."

I hate those people.

Summer Interns!

Don't you just love dorky, confident, soooo young college students? One of my colleagues alerted me to the fact that the new intern who's been filling in at our front desk and some other places has "a different hickey each day." Don't you miss the days when a hickey was an adornment to be worn with pride? Today he was wearing a camouflage T-shirt that said "Ha ha, now you can't see me!" Love the dorkiness.

Staff Meeting Hell Haikus

Volumes of hot air!
Veep's internal editor
Needs to be fired

A whole staff captive . . .
Forced to sit and listen to
meaningless nonsense

Am I all alone
noticing that this insults
our intelligence?

I just can't take it . . .
A rusty blade or chainsaw
would be more pleasant

And one more under the extended entry that's not entirely safe for work.

Isn't it so great
that everyone thinks my boss
is fucking brilliant?

Funny or Not Funny?

Our department's graphic designer is a consultant who I have always thought of as a comrade, since I was once a consultant, too. Various events outside my control forced me to become an actual employee, but I try to deny that I work here as much as possible. To that end, I have not brought in my books, put up any pictures of family or friends or done anything else that suggests that my office is anything but temporary digs.

Anyway, the graphics designer just came in here, said he had made me some art for my walls over the weekend, and proceeded to tape up three poster-type things. The first one is a picture of a kid in a soccer uniform sitting in some mud and says "The grass is always greener wherever you're not." The second one has a picture of a little kid staring off into space and says "You're using a lot of air that could go to someone more deserving." The third one has a picture of little hands reaching for a set of playground rings and says "I know jellyfish with stronger backbones than you."

I am choosing to be amused by my new art but am also taking it as yet another sign that it's time to get a new job.

Lieutenant Dumbass

I'm going to say something shocking.

I suspect that some of the decisions my company's muckety-mucks make are made not with the company's, but with the muckety-mucks' best interest in mind.

Oh yes I did go there.

Case in point: The company recently hired a consultant. In this case, "consultant" means "crony of the CEO." He is a shortish Asian guy who has a military rank and has kept the military 'do. His job is to come in and get a project finished within a couple months that will tax our already overburdened, skeletal staff. As far as those of us who are at the consultant's mercy can see, the payoff of this project will be in helping the muckety-mucks ensure their huge bonuses for the year.

When I met with the consultant, I explained that I was willing to work with him on the project, but that it came at a particularly busy time for all of us. He said, "You know, when I was deploying my reserve troops to Iraq, my one soldier said to me, 'Sir, can you send me next year? This year is just too busy.' And you know what I said to him?"

Here, the consultant stood up, leaned over my desk, and pointed right into my face. "I said, 'There's never a good time, private! You just gotta do it!'"

So our project has been equated with a military operation. Whatev.

Oh, and he looks at my boobs, too. So whoever wrote about that, I know what you mean!

Employee Manuel

To help me become further acclimated to office procedure, the 23 year-old (the one who educated me on the intricacies of casual Friday) gave me a folder labled "Employee Manuel." I guess I'm supposed to go talk to him or something? I've been asking around and no one seems to know an employee named Manuel.

(Even after I corrected the title on mine, she ran off about 20 new copies of this document. Stubborn.)

Mr. Inappropriate

What does it say about an organization that tolerates the licentious behavior of an individual whose misdeeds are so widely known that even vice presidents warn their staffs about him? I'm going to a conference in Miami in a couple of hours . . . Mr. Inappropriate will be there as well. No fewer than 5 of my coworkers have warned me to be careful around the pool, where Mr. Inappropriate is known to ogle the ladies, make suggestive remarks and otherwise behave in an egregious manner. Gross.

I was already well aware of his lewd proclivities. He has told me that I am referred to around the organization as one of the two "hot blonds" in communications and I've caught him trying to look down my shirt. I started keeping my office door closed which effectively stopped his dropping in for a chat.

How this organization has not been sued yet is a mystery. But the fact that they tolerate his behavior tops my list of reasons to look for a new job.

Absentminded Professor

I once got a phone call from an angry scientist on a Friday morning around 11 AM.

"Ms. Fox?" He said. "Were you planning on calling me anytime soon? You said you were going to interview me today at 10 AM, I skipped the morning meeting I usually have so I could be in my office for you, I've been waiting for an hour and yet you haven't called. I don't have time for this kind of thing, I'm busy and I purposely made time for you, I expect the same kind of courtesy."

I was startled, but composed myself and replied calmly: "I don't quite know how to tell you this, Dr. -------, but I interviewed you LAST Friday at 10 AM."