Crazed Life

There is so much so much so much, that I just haven't known where to start or what to write, or even when to find the time to write. . . This plan of mine to start doing more magazine writing again has just, well, exploded. And that is good (money, enjoyment, feelings of self-esteem) and bad (what is up with this whole WORK thing??)

And -- in no surprise to anyone who has ever listened to somebody talk about their shrink -- being psyched about all these fun jobs come coupled with moments of ridiculous panic.

1) I handed in my dolphin article to Discover and am convinced it was the worst, loosest, least technical article I have ever put together ever and ditto that the editor has ever seen ever. And they will never contact me again or let me write for them again.

2) I spent this past weekend in Banff at a physics conference and in between the moments of really enjoying myself (all conferences should be at ski resorts, clearly) and reveling in the science and getting to talk to all these scientists. . . was the absolute humbling horror that perhaps I just didn't understand a single thing. (It didn't really help that the physicists could also completely out-ski me.)

3) I decided to apply to a mid-career fellowship in Boston for next year, since I've been riding this high enjoying my work, getting good jobs, etc. And then on the flight home from Canada today I realized it's actually going to be hard for me to put together the number of clips they want from the last 24 months, since I spent 18 of those months working on the Einstein book and the Kepler/Brahe book. Plummeting ensued.

4) And then come questions like -- so with all this work when am I going to fit in fiction writing?

Back in the Saddle

In the beginning of 1994 I spent a glorious three months as a freelancer. In my mind I have romanticized this period extensively -- at the time I was probably a wee bit more worried about money than I remember, as I was not freelancing by choice, I was in between jobs. But it was a snowy, snowy winter, one of DC's worst, and I loved never having to leave my house, answering calls from my bed, and writing at my desk in various stages of undress. Noah was landscaping at that point, and so he too had the winter off -- I mostly remember his staying up all night long to play video games on my computer, while I used the computer to work all day. We overlapped for a few hours of sleep, and for a few hours at the end of my day when we watched episodes of Twin Peaks in order.

It was a pretty fantastic time. It also taught me that I could survive as a freelancer. Knowledge that I held in the back of my head for as long as I needed it until the fateful day where I up and quit my job.

But the thing is this -- even though I made enough money in those three months to survive, I received every check I'd earned AFTER I'd already found a new job. It was a lesson in the major time delays that happen when you write. Seeds you sow early take a long time to come to harvest.

I was reminded of that over these last two months. I spent the last half of 2004 on a mission to get more magazine work. I sent in queries, I attended workshops, I gave regular updates to my writing group, I had informational interviews with editors. And nothing really happened until suddenly EVERYTHING happened. The last few months have been really lovely, because I got to do the fun part -- the interviewing, the writing. All that business of trying to meet editors and come up with good stories was behind me. I've loved writing the pieces I've had to write lately. They just flowed. I've felt really good.

But I'm at the end of the line.

When I finish the story on dolphins for which I went to Japan, I'm done.

Oh, G-d, I have to start pitching again.

E-mail Access!

Alright, on my last day in Kyoto, I have finally found a way to connect my computer to the Internet. G-d bless airports and their wireless service! That means I have now uploaded the details of my Kyoto tour. . .